Chapters 11, 12, 13, and 14

The Gilman football season chronicled in the book was interrupted by the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001. These chapters ask the readers to consider their response to tragedy. We are offered Napoleon Sykes’ poem and story about his friend, the stories of the victims of September 11th and finally Ryan’s coach.

Maybe the thing that sticks out here is the phone calls from the airplanes and twin towers on September 11. As Joe puts it, “nobody was calling their broker.” They were calling family, the people who matter to them and they were saying, “I love you.”

DTD
Ask your parents how they respond to selfishness when they see it in the world? Are there things about their lives that are worse because of the selfish decisions others make? How should we, and you, respond?

Chapter 15

When I was about your age, I was at McDonald’s with a group of about 7 other high school boys. We were talking about girls and sports and we were using impressively foul language. I got up to refill my drink and saw a family sitting on the other side of the restaurant, and they looked at me with utter disgust. In that moment, I saw myself through someone else’s eyes and I was ashamed. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the way the mother and two little kids looked at me, and I certainly never wanted the way I conducted myself to cause someone to look at me that way again.

How do you think the coach at Poly Prep would feel about himself if he read this chapter?

Have there been times in your life when your actions, which seemed just fine, were shown to you in another light? How did that feel?

Chapter 16

This chapter focuses on purpose, and it reminds me of two poems: The preface to Leaves of Grass

This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.

And

The Buried Life

But often, in the world's most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;

Both poets concern themselves with the true nature of life. Both seem also to think that we need help discovering it. We work and work to achieve material success, but that isn’t what really matters. What matters is how we live our lives and the impact we have on others.

Joe cites “moments in America” as evidence that our culture has serious problems. How are these two issues connected, the troubling statistics and the purpose or cause Joe tries to help people find?

What kind of purpose do you have? What gets you up in the morning? What drives your decisions? If it’s personal achievement, is that enough?


Chapter 17

Homecoming! Look at Biff’s message to his team, “You can’t be the kind of young man I want you to be if you’re treating girls poorly, you’re sneaking drinks, and you’re messing around with drugs…Because when you do those things you are not thinking about anybody else. You’re not thinking about your parents and what they want for you. You’re not thinking about that girl and what her parents want for her…”(Marx, 133).

There’s a lot to that statement. His main point seems to be that selfishness or thoughtlessness are the roots of bad decisions. When you’re putting others first, he thinks, you are more likely to make choices that are beneficial to the world around you. Do you agree with this statement?

DTD What does it mean to be a gentleman? Why is it important to for a young man to act like a gentleman? Ladies, what kind of behavior do you expect from a young man? If girls withdrew their attention from young men who treat them poorly, would their behavior change?

And finally, really think about this: the Gilman football team uses the occasion of Homecoming to celebrate their mothers. Nobody gets anywhere alone. Think about a person who has sacrificed to help you achieve something in your life. Now sit down and write them a letter, don’t text, don’t email. Say thank you, and make it a habit.

Chapter 18

Think about how we define success as a culture. Do you tend to think of success as a function of wealth, or fame, or joy? Most of us have been taught that success has something to do with the amount of money in a bank account, but the book seems to advocate a different, more complicated, understanding of the concept.

Look at the impact the Joe has had on the city of Baltimore. If he dies penniless, and alone (not likely), would his life still be considered a success?

This chapter also contains an interesting discussion of justice. Look at how Joe defines it: relational, economic, and communal and think about your own understanding of the word. Is true justice something you see on a regular basis or is it more rare? What can you do to create justice in the world around you?

Chapter 20-21

No Regrets
The final chapters of the book deal with regret. Looking back over an experience and feeling regret is common and unpleasant, and the coaches want to make sure and underscore that for their players. Are they talking about winning and losing when they bring up regret? Why not?

You will notice that the outcome of an experience is much less significant—over time—than commitment to success and effort. If you go after something and do your absolute best, your memories are likely to be good ones.

Think about your approach to the coming school year. If you live it with so that you have no regrets about it, what kind of year will you have?

DTD
Talk to your parents about “do overs” they would like to have. Ask them about things in their life they would like a second chance at, and ask them about times in their life that they wouldn’t change.